Motherhood is a feeling so dear to me. It is the most pure thing I’ll ever experience (am I right?) I know as women, naturally we have that nurturing something with our children that is hard to explain. All this process from creation (sprouting) until delivering this new humans into the world (harvesting) is the most fascinating thing.
Creating Life
I had the lovely opportunity to be pregnant twice. I mean, it is crazy! creating life in your womb is almost a magical experience. Feeling how that human being grows inside you, they almost start developing a character there and following all what happens next, that instant inexplicable love at first sight. Those non ending late nights so exhausting but at the same time so rewarding. those first months of life keeping you entertained every day, with every new thing: First tooth, first steps, first word, first everything…. the excitement never ends, those first two years of life are delightful.
The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times, and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, they are shinning moments of joy and satisfaction.
ELDER M. RUSELL BALLARD
You might often heard or read: ” The joys of motherhood are never fully experienced until the children are in bed” and it is true. So many times in the middle of exhaustion at night I had told myself “you are a very lucky one” and it is all I need to go to bed and wake up with the best motivation to start a new day. In my experience, motherhood is being the one thing that had built me lots of strength and confidence. All I have pursuit in life, it is being coming along since I became a mom, that love for your kiddos makes you move mountains, and pursue unimaginable endeavors. Contrary to what a lot people might say “once you have kids your life is over” . Everyday I found that everything I have done and accomplished is being for then and if it makes me happy, then that’s it!
Who said that joy sometimes doesn’t come with tears
It is not all rainbows, sunshine and roses. Just when you think everything is all good, the very next day you find yourself starting from zero. I mean, this kiddos are amazing (we started teenager years, God bless us!) and we haven’t feel yet the weight with it. Each stage of motherhood is very unique. I remember when I became a mom for the first time (I was 21 years old) unexperienced but fiercely loving that tiny creature (Maximo), I had to learn a lot of things on my own and at that instance time felt very slow. I was overprotective of that first love, I literally will wake up in the middle of the night just to feel his chest breathing, I couldn’t take it that he ended up sleeping with me in bed for almost 7 years… Yeap (I don’t feel proud of that) I spoiled him in so many aspects that it was harder later to learn his way out to the world without mommy. However, I loved every piece of it (no regrets) and I still do! after all he is my very first love!
Later in life, I became a mom again of two kiddos that stole my heart, this time a different kind of mom: a Step-Mom (I don’t like the sound of it, it reminds me of the evil step moms from princesses stories). I believe, I have been a good one! at least that’s what they said with their kindness and write on birthdays and mother’s day cards… (and it is enough for me). At the beginning, it was challenging and I was afraid. Challenging because I mean, it is like being their mother without really being their biological mother… (see it is hard) . Afraid because for the first time, I had to split my first love space, love and everything… with the other two precious souls. However, against all predictions these 3 kiddos loved each other with no boundaries no restrictions proud to be brothers and sister and I deeply fall in loved with them. The worrying that usually characterized moms multiply by 3 and also the joy and happiness.
Watching them growth and develop their very own essence it is also one of the wonderful joys of motherhood. They become your greatest teachers, they take you out of ordinary (believe me there is something going on everyday). Schools projects, playdates, kids birthdays, field days, field trips, pajama parties, sleepovers, soccer practices, volleyball practices, basketball practices, cheerleading!! Halloween, Easter, Christmas, New Years every holiday makes more sense. Cheering them up during sport practices, suffering with them because they got hurt while riding the bike and even lecturing for not listening and getting on trouble. It is being all the time of my life….sleeping all together in my bed, playing with all the toys at the same time (huge mess) signing and screaming, taking baths together, camping in the living room, carving pumpkins, baking, doing crafts, holding hands to cross the street, board games, reading together, falling asleep all of them in my lap (almost couldn’t breath) and demanding your attention every 5min and you have to split in 3… Believe it or not I found joy and happiness in all of it!
As time flies from my eyes and they keep growing, it is hard to notice they are not little kids anymore, they have grown with strong personalities and friendships, you start to feel some kind of detachment, they start to need more time by themselves and time for their friends. No holding hands and affection in public is required anymore. It kind of breaks your heart because very deep you know it is the beginning of the end (I mean, motherhood never ever ends). But let’s face it! at this stage they start needed less and less from you… and all you can do is observe, couch them and breath…. (breath 80%) I found this sign in my oldest daughter room that says “TRUST THE PROCESS” and I understood my little girl was like in a metamorphosis stage, going around like a caterpillar searching for all answers of what one day will become a wonderful butterfly ready to fly.
Save and repeat one decade later
I already had what I always dreamed: 3 beautiful healthy kids; but they had another plan! they wanted a brother/sister and begged so much for it! Plus I honestly always wanted to be pregnant again (Also wished for a baby girl) our daughter wanted a sister, my boy wanted not to feel alone when the other two had to go to their mom house (it all felt like it was a good cause). So let it be, fate bring us a beautiful and healthy girl that we named Aytana and she represents my highest expression of Joy as mother.
While we were concerned about having a child at least 10 years apart from their other siblings, Aytana happens to be such a learning experience for them. They got to see and understand what is like to create life (still remember when she was born it was like anatomy class for them, no joke!) they get to participate not only as brother/sister but also as care givers, they feel totally responsible for her and seeing how much they care, it is a fascinating thing. After all this experience as a mother of 4 (waoo how this happened) time runs like an Olympic athlete, and I want to stop it so bad.
Aytana’s process is so different, I treasure and enjoy more deeply every moment, she means probably the last baby of my life and the closure of that reproductive stage (I mean, never say never but I think 4 is a good number, jaja) She is surrounded and getting stimulated by not only one but 3 siblings, plus babies of modern times come practically self-efficient. Baby Aytana doesn’t stop to impress us, she learned the basics (eat-walk-names) so quick, she uses the iPad better than me, manage the dog (and he actually listen to her) she asks Alexa and Google assistants for her favorite music and sign along videos and she is the champion of the ABC’s. I mean, this is going high speed fast & furious kind and she is not even 2! Please baby take it slow…
As life goes on…
All in all, here I am as mother of 11-12-14 year old teens plus our almost 2 year old baby joy. I started to walk into the unknown of teenager days, confident of my labor and efforts since day one. Creating long lasting memories, nurturing this family bonding and keeping expectations balanced. It is all almost like a piece of art, sublime. Whatever this path take us, I only hope for keep walking with them close to me in my heart. Wish me luck!
